...it's like a tidal wave dragging me under. And I'm desperately trying to pull those around me with me. I'm angry and bitter and jealous. I feel it happening and I can't seem to pull myself up from it. I'm watching helplessly through the wave, flailing and silently screaming while fully aware of all of the fact that I'm not making any headway. When the wave subsides and I emerge, tired and beaten down, I feel a deep sense of regret. Like the worst kind of hangover you've had the morning after - looking back and taking stock of all of the people I may have hurt as a result.
Recently, I fell into a temporary depression. It was a celebratory weekend and I should've been happy. But one thing triggered me into a state of despair. I should note -- I have been taking medication since April -- since right before my father died-- but for careless reasons, I've been forgetting to take it every night; and it has caught up to me. So, recently I found myself drowning. In a bar with all of my friends -- angry that people were having so much fun and expected me to be enjoying myself as well. I hated myself at that moment for not being able to shake the feelings. But I remembered the tips I've practiced over the years. And so the destruction and regret was minimal. I did not feel better immediately -- the depression lingered for a few days --- but the mere fact of being ACTIVE and not giving into the negative momentum felt good.
5 tips for how I deal with my depression (that might help you too)
1. Go for a walk
No matter where I am or how awkward it might be to leave a situation, I go for a walk to gather my thoughts. I don't want to say things I'd regret and I often need to clear my mind without interference
2. Go for a run
If i'm in a situation where a run is possible, nothing works better for me. The run often turns into a tempo or a Fartlek, where I can really take out my emotions on the pavement
3. Talk about it
There are a few people close to me who let me say whatever I want without taking it personally. I talk to them about my irrational beliefs and fears and my anger. And they just let it roll off of their backs.
4. Feel it
I try to be kind to myself and remember that I am human and therefore allowed to have a range of emotions. I shouldn't be so hard on myself for feeling badly.
5. Remember tomorrow
And when all else fails, I remember that tomorrow is another day. I will never take that possibility for granted.
Are you suffering from depression? Are there any tools you use during your toughest moments?
If you wish, please share below.